I am five.

From a Frankfurt hotel bathroom:Tricky Ricky. Hanky Panky. Tee hee. I remember being disappointed that the toilet paper wasn't nicknamed Poopy Loopy. (Speaking of poop: sometimes in hospital, when patients are having very loose bowel movements, a tube is placed in their rectum to keep things 'contained'. I recently learned that there is a super deluxe version of the "rectal tube" called the Fecal Management System. I don't know what is more disturbing - that someone was paid to come up with the term "Fecal Management System", or the fact that you can buy one on Amazon.com) Well, it turned out that nobody correctly guessed the inspiration for my creative writing last week. Not surprising - it was a bit obscure. Not Google-able. I can't find the answer in here either... There is a weekly CBC radio show called The Vinyl Cafe, which, in addition to music and stories with some basis in fact, features the ongoing adventures of a middles aged record shop owner and his family/neighbors. One episode was about a book club. Morley (the wife) joined a book club; it was one of those book clubs where people always sat in the same chair and picked obscure books written from the point of view of a piece of cheese, and generally made Morely feel like she didn't belong. The woman who spoke first would always say "This was a work of awe inspiring beauty which has changed me forever". Another woman, who was always the last to speak, would say "I have nothing to say that hasn't already been said here today". One day Morley decided to rebel, and sat in someone else's chair. This led to much consternation, and disorder, and the woman who usually spoke last ended up sitting in the chair which belonged to the "work of awe inspiring beauty" woman. So the woman who always spoke last found herself in the position of having to speak first. She turned red in the face, opened and shut her mouth, and then said "I have nothing to say about this book that hasn't already been said here before", and then glared at Morley, and then everyone else, daring them to challenge her blurb. I am awarding a consolation prize to Bobbi (of The Kelly Green Rogue fame), because she thought it had something to do with music, and the Vinyl Cafe does feature live (in-studio) music in addition to the stories.